Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
