why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
