I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
