I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
