if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize