She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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