His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
