you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
