hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
