he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
