Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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