I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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