By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
