I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
