she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
