Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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