You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
