During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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