One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
