Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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