whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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