I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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