All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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