Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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