haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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