She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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