You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
