this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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