If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
