I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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