What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
