Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
