Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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