I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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