So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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