And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
