Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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