He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Two words: blizzard sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
