haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
