did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
