I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
