I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
