3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
