dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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