yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
