those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your penis caused this!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
