It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think people are normalizing furries
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
