True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
