Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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