his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need a beard to bite.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
