She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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