I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
