I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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