We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
