Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize