Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
