Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
