bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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