All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
