yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
