then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
