i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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