Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
