I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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