I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
