Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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