I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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