remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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