There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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